I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
