The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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