Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
