Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
