and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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