She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
