I'm gonna have a badass scar
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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