I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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