I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
