i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
