Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
