i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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