I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
