I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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