That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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