You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
