here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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