and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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