Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it was like eating out sand paper
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Randomize
