I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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