i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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