I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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