Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
