I can tuck mytits in my pants
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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