i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
