i permit you to call me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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