There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
