i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
