You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
