Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
