Kareoke will never be a sober sport
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
