dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
