you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
