The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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