god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How does one acquire holy water?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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