he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
