yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
