This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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