lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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