the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
