Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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