Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
