Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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