I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
