He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
porn star boner night. come get it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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