my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
