i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
