I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
