Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Found your dick twin last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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