I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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