bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
