if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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