I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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