Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
