would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
