The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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