I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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