also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
